The other day when I was at work, I was having lunch, and of course I wasn’t talking to anybody because I always sit and read my Bible at lunch in the break room so people will see me doing that and get saved, when I noticed that a professed Christian was eating yogurt.
“Tell me that’s not yogurt,” I said. “It is,” he replied, looking confused.
“Aren’t you aware of the wiles of the devil?” I asked.
“The what?”
“The wiles. The wiles of the devil.”
“Um…I don’t think it’s pronounced ‘willies,’ Fred.”
Alright, so apparently I got that wrong. Long “I,” silent “E.” Check. But that was hardly the point. “Don’t change the subject, Jim,” I told him with all the holy indignation I could muster. “Wiles, Willies, Whatever. Satan’s got you fooled, brother. Don’t you realize that yogurt is food for demons?”
“Yogurt is food for demons. Fred, have you been drinking?”
“Jim, come on. I’m explaining to you why you shouldn’t eat demon food, and you think I’d drink the devil’s beverage? Don’t you realize that yoga is a form of demon-worship?”
“What does yogurt have to do with yoga, Fred?” As if he couldn’t see the connection. You see that? When people want to sin, they justify their blindness, don’t they?
“See, this is just how subtle Satan is, Jim. You have to be aware of his willie– I mean, his wiles. Think about it. It’s got the same first three letters. Same amount of syllables, and hippie-new-age type people do yoga and eat yogurt – especially that organic crap you’re eating.”
“The organic tastes better. And you’re a loon,” Jim replied.
I can’t help it, folks, if Jim was unwilling to see the truth. Does he really think the devil is going to just come right out and say, “Hey, why don’t you worship demons?” No. Of course not. It’s going to be very subtle, very deceptive, and the place you’d least expect it is in your food. Beware of the devil’s wiles. Beware of evil eating, especially new-age crunchy hippie tree-hugger food.
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You know, I always get the willies when I eat yogurt, and now I know why. Thanks Fred.
Fred, thank you so much, I have always felt the world’s condemnation because I don’t like yogurt. Now I know that it is because of the devil’s willies. i hope you blog more about demon food especially the new-age crunchy hippie tree-hugger food, because I do confess to eating granola when real Christians are not looking because they are reading their Bibles. Your insights will probably give me the strength to just say no to granola.
Is this a joke? Because last I checked yogurt was made up of milk and sugar. But I suppose it’s not the substance making up yogurt that bothers you…but the usage of the word yogurt. I suggest that you seek a therapist…sooner rather than later.