Fred on Friday: “Advent?”

I know Travis is getting all geared up to observe Advent here at this blog.  I’m officially registering my protest, because clearly, Advent isn’t celebrated in the Bible, and it was made up later by Catholics who were influenced by something evil, no doubt.  Advent is just legalism anyway.  It’s a ritual for people who want to show up and do the same thing every single year so they don’t have to think about it.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t use Advent to teach people the Real Truth.  Because Advent celebrates Jesus’ first coming, but in reality, it distracts people from thinking about his second coming, which could happen at any second!  It could seriously happen before I finish writing this post, in which case this writing is entirely pointless, and you’ll never read it, in which case writing to “you” will never actually happen, and it makes what I’m doing right now seem really, really pointless and empty…

But my point is, no one will truly live a meaningful Christian life unless they think Jesus could come back at any second.  Which he can.  Like even right now.

Now, the Bible says that before Jesus comes back, Iran will attack Israel.  So, people, we also need to realize that we’re talking about politics right now, so it’s really important to vote for someone who will bomb Iran to prevent them from attacking Israel.  Every Christian who truly wants to see Jesus and for Him to return needs to vote for a president who will bomb Iran, because we need to support Israel, and even though Jesus can’t come back until Iran bombs Israel, we can’t not support Israel, so we need to prevent Iran from bombing Israel by bombing them first, until the inevitable happens: Iran will bomb Israel, and then Jesus will come back in the rapture, but only part way, and then he’ll really come back seven years later.

So forget about Advent.  Think instead about living every moment as though Christ could come back at any second, and how that won’t happen until Iran bombs Israel, and so we need to vote for a president who will bomb Iran before they bomb Israel.  Because we want Jesus to come back soon.